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Slap-Happy Hadaka

By Emily Millar

The Naked Man Festival

Photo by Johan af Uhr (www.jopic.com)

Ever wondered what it was like to be shut alone in a shrine, given nothing but water and soggy rice to eat for three days, shaved completely head-to-toe then turned loose and slapped by thousands of people wanting to offload their sins onto you – without any clothes on? Well, wonder no more, because you can see all this at the festival to thrill all thrill-seekers, the Hadaka Matsuri (otherwise known as the Naked Man Festival), happening on Friday 2nd March at Konomiya Shrine in the city of Inazawa, Aichi.

Allegedly one of the top three “weirdest festivals in Japan” (‘cos everything in this country comes in a Top 3 list, it seems), it’s also a great opportunity for gaijin males to really get up close (and naaaked) in one of the more unusual rites of Japanese winter male bonding.
The tradition of the Hadaka Matsuri began way back in 797, when the first unlucky bastard was plucked from obscurity and chosen as the ‘shin-otoko’ (naked man). The shrinesfolk weren’t particularly choosy – basically anyone they happened to find ambling along the road at the time was fair game. The chosen one was then dragged back to the shrine and forced to undergo rigorous purification rites, then kicked out of town while most of the townspeople tried to belt the shit out of him. The riots allegedly caused lord Oda Nobunaga to ban the ritual for a number of years but, thankfully, someone thought to resurrect it.

Today it is an honour to be chosen as the shin-otoko, with many men applying for the title every year. After being picked, the lucky fella is sent to the shrine to be purified for three days and nights, which includes shaving off all of the hair on his body, except for his eyebrows. Well, he'd just look silly with no eyebrows, wouldn't he?

On the day of his re-emergence, around ten thousand men wearing nothing but loincloths converge on the street with a giant bamboo pole and make their way to the shrine. This pole is covered in bits of paper, messages from those people who, unfortunately, are unable to participate (smart move, perhaps). Once they arrive, the men lay in wait for the shin-otoko to appear.
This usually happens at around 16:00 or 17:00, when he emerges from a point on the pathway to the shrine, surrounded by bodyguards – and here’s where it starts to get painful. Amidst a thronging crowd of loinclothed blokes, all eager to touch a bare-assed hairless kid just so they can get a bit of luck in the New Year, the bodyguards throw cold water over anyone who gets a little over-eager. A fair portion of the men taking part are aged 23 or 42, both considered unlucky years (yakudoshi) – making it all the more important to slap some shin-otoko ass and get a bit of good fortune.

It’s dirty, dangerous and superbly entertaining, as all good naked men festivals should be. Best to head there in the morning so you're primed to see all the action when the shin-otoko comes out mid-afternoon. Get slapping.

Getting there
From Nagoya Station, take either the Gifu-bound Meitetsu line to Konomiya Station (head out the north exit, walk 3 minutes), or the JR Tokaido line to Inazawa Station (15 minutes).

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